THIS is a super awkward tree growth. While that is a blatant observation now, this wasn’t always the case. My family and I have hiked Big Trees since I was my niece’s age (i.e. the red-hooded child above). Every time we passed this thing, my parents would smile at each other while trying not to laugh and announce in their best version of a tour guide’s voice, “And this here is the Father of the Forest.” I was a child. I obviously took them seriously. This was just some oddly shaped tree in the middle of the park that for whatever reason, tree specialists (or whoever) decided to give a special name to. I had no clue. I went on to take friends here throughout my life and tell them in all seriousness that this tree was called the “Father of the Forest”. While this often resulted in uncomfortable, doubtful glances from my guests they humored me. And I remained, for a LONG time, oblivious to the fact that my parents were full of crap and jokingly suggesting that this growth looked like a humongous penis. Well I get it now. Very mature mom and dad. But seriously..that’s actually pretty funny.
I got into a conversation with an inebriated McDonald’s worker last night (don’t ask) and every sentence he uttered further reinforced my theory that he was crazy. Here is just a sampling of some of the things that came out of his mouth within a two minute period.
"I’m going to be manager soon because I’m kind of a perfectionist."
"I watch the shit out of Breaking Bad."
"So I’m really into magic these days."
"I used to pop Adderral and play World of War Craft for a month straight."
And finally, my personal favorite:
"I just got a settlement from my lawsuit. I’m buying you a shot."
McDonald’s will forever remain on my blacklist.
Something we should read every day -
I love this, so much.
The elementary school children I work with legit think I’m crazy. A police helicopter flew over recess today and I turned to the nearest child and said, “Welp…they found you.” He looked genuinely terrified. Fifteen minutes later a child tumbled on the blacktop and I cupped my hands and yelled, “Do a barrel roll!”. Which is the most obvious Star Fox reference of all time. No one got it. So on top of sounding like an idiot, I also dated myself. I’m THAT person.