February 2012
10 posts
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Sex(less) and the City
Via a text convo.
Amanda: I really need to take a break from this Sex and the City marathon. Carrie Bradshaw’s voice is beginning to narrate my every move. “Meanwhile, I spent my Saturday night shopping for red wine alone at a Safeway. And I had to wonder..is this a preview of the rest of my 20’s?”
Sophia: …2 hours later…”But then I realized red wine...
You know how when you send someone a text that accidentally rhymed and then you feel lame? So then you text them again acknowledging the lameness of the rhyme only to realize that text also rhymed? And then you throw your phone at the wall in defeat and frustration that the world is out to make you look like an IDIOT?
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Today
Scene: Me walking around San Francisco’s Westfield Mall alone looking shocked and bewildered (how I generally look, except more-so because I’m shopping). Borat looking man with a Borat sounding voice walks up.
Him: Well ehh helloo-uhh dahhling. I have-eh something for you.
Me: Wait. Really? What?
Man extends something to me that looks like a teabag.
Me: What is this?
Him:...
Sharing Time!: Liveblogging the 2011 romcom... →
sharingtime:
Draaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaa
John Kransinski says something adorrrrableeeeeee
Moe draaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaa
THIS HOT GUY IS SHIRTLESS
Kate Hudson’s character is unexpectedly eaten alive by hungry cannibal warlords, but she’s wearing this totally cute dress that I think I saw on Rue La La and didn’t…
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Taken
If you think that the most ridiculous part of that entire movie is that Liam Neeson takes down like 30 Albanians with his pinky, I am here to tell you “false”. It’s definitely the premise that his daughter goes to Europe in the first place to follow the U2 tour.
Superb Owl Day
Watching Madonna’s half-time performance last night was a similar experience to watching Harrison Ford in that last Indiana Jones movie. I was half expecting both of them to either have heart attacks or have their limbs snap off mid-stunts like in that old “Got Milk” commercial. Also, does the shortness of Cee Lo Green’s arms freak anyone else out? They weren’t even...
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All my single ladies
At first glance, turkeys and single people don’t seem to have anything in common. I, however, beg to differ. About two weeks prior to certain holidays our attempted suicide rates spike and our populations break into states of panic. We also both become emotional eaters (which doesn’t help either of our causes if you really think about it). I’m not necessarily willing to testify that any of these...
January 2012
2 posts
No one can accuse my parents of not being supportive:
Amanda: So, I think I want to work in Vegas this summer. What if I just did that?
Mom: Really? Oh, do it! You make so much as a dealer. ESPECIALLY if you have boobs.
Amanda: Mom, don’t they make those people wear lingerie?
Mom: Oh..well..beggars can’t be choosers I guess. You can always be a pit boss.
Parents…always...
December 2011
11 posts
tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?
You've got male: Testing the waters of online...
Sometimes I take things a little too far. Okay, a lot of times I take things too far.
One night I waited under my sister’s bed for 30 minutes before I popped out and scared the bejesus out of her. Another time, I stole my friend’s apartment key and almost gave her a heart attack when I snuck in at 2 a.m. Please don’t think I’m creepy. If anything, I’m just easily entertained.
My last class...
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Preparation
Been finding a lot of random $5 bills in pockets and purses recently. Its like November Amanda knew December Amanda would be broke so subconsciously I allotted for it. Like how squirrels store nuts for winter.
November 2011
12 posts
Sooo wikipedia-ed “dubstep” today so I can stop acting like I actually know what it is when people bring it up. It said its been described (like, multiple times) as “tightly coiled productions with overwhelming bass lines and reverberant drum patterns, clipped samples, and occasional vocals”. I’d really like to know how many people defined it using the phrase...
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Davis: A History of Violence? →
The recent events at U.C. Davis reminded me of an article I wrote a couple years ago. Wonder if the protester issue wouldn’t have been better resolved via a boffer match…
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Funny how two seemingly unrelated things require similar skills. Like putting away Thanksgiving leftovers and Tetris. Organization was never my thing.
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September 2011
2 posts
2 tags
Grammar Police
Tried explaining vowels to a child today, and realized how indecisive the English language can be. “The vowels are A, E, I, O, U….and sometimes Y”. That’s not confusing for an 8 year old at all. Go forth young child, and use yee best 8 year old judgment to determine when and when not certain letters are vowels. While we’re at it, “i” comes before...
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Of break ups, text messages and Harry Potter
Break ups are no fun. But Harry Potter, in addition to saving the wizarding realm from mass destruction, can offer some powerful insight.
Person A: It helps when you find out your sister thought you could do better and your brother never liked him.
Person B: It definitely helps! What do your parents think?
Person A: Well if my dad had it his way I would never date so I think we know how he...
August 2011
3 posts
1 tag
A simile
As I roamed the local Target today I passed the “Premium Chocolate” aisle where I came across a herd of middle aged women slowly, and meticulously scanning their options. Then it dawned on me: the chocolate aisle is to women as the adult magazine section is to men. Who knew?
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A Persian Tanks-geeving →
A little Aggie throw back
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July 2011
4 posts
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WatchPanoramic views from the cross at Parc Guell. Gotta love a Spaniard singing “Rock Around the Clock”.
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NPR's New Format to Feature Soft-Spoken White Guys →
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5 things from the 80's that would inevitably be...
1) Driving a riding lawn mower to your love interest’s house. Not only was that an inefficient use of your time, but you probably fucked up their lawn in the process. You’re not scoring any points here.
2) Sporting a pair of parachute pants. This is only permissible if you plan on emergency exiting a plane, in which case, I still doubt they’d do much for you. Wear these to a...
June 2011
1 post
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May 2011
1 post
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April 2011
3 posts
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Don't play that trash in here
I never drank strawberry wine when I was seventeen. I have also never dug my keys into the side of someone’s souped up four wheel drive, and God forbid I ever find someone’s tractor sexy. This being said, you can probably guess that I am a huge country music fan. That was a lie. I guess I can relate to those country songs about liars.
Actually, I’ve loathed country music since the...
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Parents as Helicopters
My text message alert sounds and sadly I am not surprised by what I see. “Hey I know this is crazy, but if my mom calls you can you please tell her I’m at the apartment studying?” It’s a message of warning from my roommate who was currently at her boyfriend’s house. An urgent call from the local police department just a few weeks earlier on behalf of her mother desensitized me to such erratic...
February 2011
2 posts
2 tags
