I got into a conversation with an inebriated McDonald’s worker last night (don’t ask questions) and every sentence he uttered further reinforced my theory that he was crazy. Here is just a sampling of some of the things that came out of his mouth within a two minute period.
“I’m going to be manager soon because I’m kind of a perfectionist.”
“I watch the shit out of Breaking Bad.”
“So I’m really into magic these days.”
“I used to pop Adderral and play World of War Craft for a month straight.”
And finally, my personal favorite:
“I just got a settlement from my lawsuit. I’m buying you a shot.”
McDonald’s will forever remain on my blacklist.
The elementary school children I work with legit think I’m crazy. A police helicopter flew over recess today and I turned to the nearest child and said, “Welp…they found you.” He looked genuinely terrified. Fifteen minutes later a child tumbled on the blacktop and I cupped my hands and yelled, “Do a barrel roll!”. Which is the most obvious Star Fox reference of all time. No one got it. So on top of sounding like an idiot, I also dated myself. I’m THAT person.
While sitting in my office today I hear on the other side of the door…
“Gabrielle, you suck that back up your nose right now! That’s disgusting. We DON’T do that here, that’s GROSS.”
Can’t say working in the schools doesn’t have its highlights.
I had a long talk with my 77-year-old neighbor today who happened to be wearing a beret he had personally made to look like a turtle and a belt buckle with a picture of a bucking buffalo on it. And oddly, it made me really excited to be old some day. There’s something to be said for reaching an age where you can wear shit like that simultaneously and people think you’re awesome for it. I’m looking forward to being that kooky old lady in the manta ray hat.